i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
