omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
