hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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