fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
