...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
