All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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