he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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