i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
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