Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
