saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
