So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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