I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
