He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
