We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
