I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
