I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
