i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
