Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
