i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
