There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
