Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
