Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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