Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
