I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Say something about gay babies.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
