Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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