what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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