I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
