I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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