we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
