my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
