So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
