Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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