Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I need water and some morals
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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