Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
