How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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