Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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