Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
