I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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