I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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