There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
