it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
