..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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