Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
how does that bad decision feel?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
