Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
