Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
