I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just pynch a tree in the face
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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