this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
