he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
