she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
