I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
